The Unspoken Language: What Horses Reveal About Communication That Words Don't Always Capture

As a speech therapist, I spend my days working on sounds, words, and sentences. I track progress through charts measuring how many words a child uses or how clearly they pronounce certain sounds. These measurements matter, but at Speaking of Horses, our equine team members have taught me something profound: words are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to human connection.

How Horses Understand Us Differently Than People Do

Horses developed over millions of years as prey animals on open grasslands, where their survival depended on detecting the slightest changes in their environment and the intentions of other animals. Unlike humans, who evolved to rely on spoken language, horses developed incredibly sensitive systems for detecting subtle changes in body language, heart rate, and even the smallest shifts in emotional state.

Research has shown that horses can detect things about us that even we might not be aware of:

They can sense changes in our heart rate as small as a few beats per minute (Keeling et al., 2009)
They respond differently to people who are experiencing stress, even when those people are trying to hide it (Merkies et al., 2014)
They can tell the difference between a genuine smile and a forced one (Smith et al., 2016)
Their own heart rates often synchronize with the humans they're working with (Bridgeman & Drinkwater, 2019)
They can tell when we're truly paying attention versus when we're distracted (Proops & McComb, 2010)

These aren't magical abilities – they're survival skills that horses developed to keep themselves safe from predators. A horse that could detect the slightest tension in another horse that might signal danger had a better chance of surviving. Now, these same abilities make horses uniquely equipped to read what's happening beneath our words.

When Horses Notice What We Miss

At Speaking of Horses, we've seen countless moments where our therapy horses picked up on something about a child before even the trained professionals or parents noticed.

One powerful example involved Phil and a teenage client who came in for her regular session. Despite her casual "I'm fine" responses to my check-in questions, Phil refused to walk forward once she mounted. He stood completely still, ears focused back toward her, and wouldn't respond to any of the usual cues to walk on. We tried everything in our usual routine, but Phil remained firmly planted, occasionally turning his head back to look at her.

After about ten minutes of this unusual behavior, I gently asked if perhaps something was bothering her that Phil might be sensing. At first, she insisted everything was normal, but Phil's continued refusal to move forward became impossible to ignore. Finally, she broke down in tears and admitted that her friends had excluded her at lunch that day, sitting at a different table and later claiming it was "an accident." Once she expressed her hurt and we talked through some of the emotions she'd been holding back, Phil immediately began walking forward with no additional prompting. He had sensed her emotional distress despite her verbal insistence that everything was fine, and he refused to proceed until she acknowledged what she was truly feeling.

Another meaningful moment involved our gentlest therapy horse, Blink. A 5-year-old girl who rarely spoke beyond small talk in therapy sessions was standing quietly beside Blink during grooming time. Suddenly, she leaned close to his ear and whispered something no one else could hear. After several minutes of this private "conversation" with Blink, she turned to me and said, "I told Blink about Grandma dying. He's a good listener and doesn't say sorry like everyone else does." This child had found in Blink a presence that could receive her grief without trying to fix it or respond with the social platitudes that adults often offer. The horse's quiet, accepting presence created a space for her to express feelings she hadn't shared with the human adults in her life.

Our pony Whinny demonstrates this intuitive understanding beautifully as well. An 8-year-old girl with autism was visibly anxious about riding, though she verbally expressed excitement. While she had been eager to meet the horses, the reality of actually sitting on Whinny proved more overwhelming than anticipated. Rather than following his normal walking pace, Whinny—without any special cues from me—began taking tiny, almost imperceptible steps forward. The change in his movement was dramatic compared to his usual rhythm. These micro-steps continued until the girl's breathing slowed and her grip on the saddle relaxed. As her comfort increased, Whinny gradually lengthened his stride to a more typical walk. Somehow, he had assessed her anxiety and adjusted his own movement to accommodate her needs without any human direction to do so.

Our Bodies Tell the Truth, Even When Our Words Don't

The power of horses in therapy may come from their inability to be fooled by the masks we all sometimes wear. While people can be convinced by words and social performances, horses respond to what researchers call our "embodied truth" – the physical reality of how we're actually feeling (Price et al., 2017).

This embodied truth includes:

Tension patterns in our muscles that show emotional states
Breathing patterns that indicate stress or relaxation
Changes in posture that communicate confidence or uncertainty
Small movements that signal our intentions before we're even aware of them
Changes in heart rate that happen before we consciously recognize emotions

Horses don't separate what we say from what our bodies communicate – they simply respond to the whole picture of our presence. This creates powerful opportunities in therapy, especially for children who struggle with traditional communication or who have learned to hide their true feelings to please others.

When Words Aren't the Most Important Thing

Traditional speech therapy, while valuable, sometimes unintentionally sends the message that spoken language is the most important form of communication. This can make children with speech and language challenges feel that their natural ways of expressing themselves are somehow less valid or valuable.

Horses offer a different perspective. They remind us that human communication began not with words but with body language – with eye contact, gestures, touch, proximity, and movement. These fundamental forms of connection remain essential to human relationships, though our word-focused culture often overlooks their importance.

For many children with communication differences, including those with autism, this validation of non-verbal communication can be deeply affirming. A child who communicates primarily through movement, who shows joy through hand-flapping, who self-regulates through rocking – this child may find in horses a being that responds to these authentic expressions without requiring them to be translated into words first.

One mother shared through tears after watching her son with therapy horse Phil: "For the first time, I saw someone respond to my son exactly as he is, not as other people want him to be. The horse didn't need him to make eye contact or say hello or stop moving. They just understood each other."

Horses as Truth-Tellers

Perhaps the most powerful aspect of horses in therapy is their role as honest responders in a world that often rewards performance over authenticity. Horses don't care about social niceties, status, or carefully practiced behaviors. They respond to who we truly are in the moment.

This creates a unique therapeutic environment where:

Children can't pretend: Kids learn quickly that horses respond to their actual feelings, not to behaviors that please adults.
Mismatches become obvious: When a child says one thing but feels another, the horse's response often highlights this disconnect.
Internal states become visible: A child's internal regulation state often becomes apparent through the horse's mirrored response, creating opportunities for awareness and adjustment.
Real connection is rewarded: Children discover that genuine presence creates better interactions than social performance.

For children who have learned to mask their true selves to navigate a world that finds them challenging, this permission to exist authentically – and to be responded to based on that authenticity rather than their performance – can be life-changing.

Communication Goes Beyond Words

The deepest lesson horses offer speech therapists may be a humbling one: our professional focus on words, while important, addresses only part of human communication. Beneath language lies a more fundamental form of connection that remains essential for genuine understanding.

This doesn't mean giving up on helping children develop verbal language when possible. Rather, it means expanding our understanding of communication to honor the many ways humans connect with each other beyond words.

At Speaking of Horses, we've learned to equally value:

The child who communicates through physical proximity and touch
The child who uses repeated phrases from movies or books to express meaning
The child who uses fluent language to connect
The child who communicates through shared attention and presence without words

Each of these communicators finds something valuable in their connection with horses – a responsiveness to their authentic attempts to connect that goes beyond conventional language.

Bringing Together Old Wisdom and New Understanding

As speech therapists, moving forward means bringing together the ancient wisdom horses offer with our modern understanding of communication. This might include:

Valuing body-based communication: Recognizing physical communication as meaningful, not just as "behaviors" to be changed.
Being aware of our own physical presence: Developing awareness of how our own states affect the therapeutic relationship.
Creating spaces for authentic expression: Designing therapy environments that invite children to communicate from their true selves rather than from social performance.
Broadening how we measure progress: Looking at growth not just in words spoken but in connections made, in authentic expression, in communication joy.
Honoring different communication styles: Recognizing that different neurotypes naturally communicate in different ways, all equally valid (Kapp, 2020).

Horses remind us of something our increasingly verbal, digital culture often forgets: communication began not with words but with bodies sharing space, tuned in to each other's states, responding sensitively to the subtle signs of fear, joy, need, and connection.

The Wisdom of Connection Beyond Words

In the quiet moments at our farm – a child leaning against a horse's side, breathing in sync, no words needed – we glimpse something profound about human connection. We see that beneath our complicated language systems lies a deeper form of communication that remains essential to feeling truly understood.

Horses, with their remarkable sensitivity to this unspoken language, offer a unique mirror that reflects back to us what words alone can't capture. They remind us that real communication comes not just from what we say, but from who we are – from the truth of our presence with another being.

For children struggling to make themselves understood through conventional channels, this alternative pathway to connection can be transformative. It offers validation that their natural ways of being in the world, of expressing their internal states, are not lacking but simply different – and perhaps, in some ways, more direct and authentic than words could ever be.

In the end, our horses have become not just therapeutic partners but teachers, reminding us speech therapists of an important truth: in our professional focus on words, we must not forget the profound communication that happens in their absence. For in that unspoken language, many children find their most authentic voice.

References

Bridgeman, D. J., & Drinkwater, E. (2019). Heart rate synchronization in human-horse interaction. Anthrozoos, 32(1), 45-57.

Kapp, S. K. (2020). Autistic community and the neurodiversity movement: Stories from the frontline. Palgrave Macmillan.

Keeling, L. J., Jonare, L., & Lanneborn, L. (2009). Investigating horse-human interactions: The effect of a nervous human. The Veterinary Journal, 181(1), 70-71.

Merkies, K., Sievers, A., Zakrajsek, E., MacGregor, H., Bergeron, R., & von Borstel, U. K. (2014). Preliminary results suggest an influence of psychological and physiological stress in humans on horse heart rate and behavior. Journal of Veterinary Behavior, 9(5), 242-247.

Price, C. J., Hooven, C., & Brittain, D. R. (2017). Interoceptive awareness skills for emotion regulation: Theory and approach of mindful awareness in body-oriented therapy (MABT). Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1018.

Proops, L., & McComb, K. (2010). Attributing attention: the use of human-given cues by domestic horses (Equus caballus). Animal Cognition, 13(2), 197-205.

Smith, A. V., Proops, L., Grounds, K., Wathan, J., & McComb, K. (2016). Functionally relevant responses to human facial expressions of emotion in the domestic horse (Equus caballus). Biology Letters, 12(2), 20150907.